I dipped my toe into unfamiliar waters. The newness was warm and inviting. But after a short period of time, fear slithered in. Afraid to dip deeper, I pulled back. Back to safety. Back to the comfort of familiarity.
I was on the fence. Straddling. One foot holding on to my past; one foot dipping a toe into a new future. A future I didn’t understand and wasn’t sure I could trust.
A future with God at the helm of my life.
Oh, how that thought wreaked havoc with this girl. This independent, single mom, sole decision-maker, who can change out a light fixture like an electrician, girl.
Well, I stayed on the fence for months. Many months. The kind of “months” that turn into years.
Like a scale, I tilted right and left, dipping my toe in and out of each side. Weighing the consequences selecting one side or the other would have on my life.
Good things and good people were on both sides so I thought I could keep this up indefinitely. But ultimately there wasn’t peace.
There was division. I was in a constant state of imbalance and indecisiveness. On the fence, you don’t belong anywhere so you try to please everyone. You don’t have clear direction or purpose so decision-making is arduous.
I was in between. Not fully a Christ follower and not fully not a Christ follower. When you’re in between you’re in constant conflict with yourself!
There is no contentment when your heart is conflicted. At some point, you must choose.
But how? I had all the knowledge of what this new life was about. I studied it; it sounded great. I made an informed decision. Hey, I even put my toes in! So why was I still on the fence?
I think it was because I only had head-knowledge. And head-knowledge doesn’t hold a candle to heart-knowledge.
Heart-knowledge comes from living it. I needed to fully experience what God had to offer. I had plenty of experience in my current world; I could navigate those waters with ease. That’s why I trusted it. It was much harder for me to fully trust something I hadn’t experienced. And that’s when fear sets in.
When you focus on the fear, you will turn back toward the past.
Ultimately I trusted the wisdom that we can serve only one master and took a leap of faith.
Choosing a side quieted the conflict. I gained clear direction and purpose. Solid wisdom that equips me to be fully aligned with that purpose, and the experiences God had in store for me.
No longer do I waffle from side to side. No longer do I have to fit in both places and please all people.
I’m on a journey and God is at the helm. He has not let me down.
His wisdom is mine for the asking. His security envelops my soul. His protection guards my heart. His peace transcends anything this world has to offer. That is sweet relief for this independent girl!
If I had listened to my own wisdom, I would probably still be on that fence. So grateful He waited patiently for me and held my hand as I jumped “all-in” to new living waters.
Is fear keeping you on the fence about something? Do you need wisdom and/or strength to take that leap of faith? Please share it with us in the comments below. You are not alone. There are people who are on the same journey. FREEBIE: I am giving away a free book, Living Waters for Those Who Thirst, by random draw. Everyone who leaves a comment will automatically be in the drawing.
A Truth: “Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.” James 1:8
A Read: Living Waters for Those Who Thirst
A Prayer: Father, thank you … Thank you for waiting for those months that turned into years. Thank you for giving me the assurance that I can fully trust you. Remind me that as take the many leaps of faith your plan for my life has in store for me, that I am safe in your care. Amen.